The Amazing Criswell--An Homage to the Immortal Legend and Superstar

Welcome to The Criswell Home Page, dedicated to promoting the glory of Criswell.

Criswell's Filmography

• Orgy of the Dead (1965). Be forewarned--there is no orgy, just a wacky plot and a bunch of strippers dancing around in a cemetery. But it is Criswell's masterpiece--A true MUST-SEE. 5 stars! Four Thumbs up!--Jake and Dave.
  - IMDB info on Orgy of the Dead--beware: plot summary is cursory and does not do the film justice... It calls Criswell's character "Ruler of the Dark"!?! And, of course, the victims are BOB and Shirley, but the plot summary refers to Bob as "John." This film deserves more attention to detail than that. You must see this film for yourself to believe it!
• Plan 9 From Outer Space (1958). IMDB
• Night of the Ghouls (1960) (AKA Revenge of the Dead) IMDB

The Criswell Library

• Click Here for many Criswell quotes and sound bytes!

• First-Hand Accounts of Criswell!--Exclusive!--Tales of Criswell from a man who actually lived in Criswell's House!!!

• Orgy of the Dead Transcript--NEW! Instantly search for all the famous quotes! Find the 9 occurrences of the word "pleasure"!!! The possibilities are endless!

• Lyrics to "The Amazing Criswell", by 800 Octane, written by Dave as a Tribute to the Great One and to Orgy of the Dead.

• Criswell Predicts!--Excerpts from Criswell's book, "Criswell Predicts: From Now To The Year 2000!" on Bile's Site
  Brief predictions
  More predictions!
  Predictions Concerning Each Of The Fifty States!

• More information from Criswell's book, "Criswell Predicts":
  Inside Cover Jackets,
  Back Cover,
  Preface--Biographical information about Criswell, from "Baby Criswell", to "Criswell Predicts"!

• Criswell Images!

• Someone Walked Over My Grave--Criswell's Record!

• More Criswell Predictions from his other record, "Your Future"

• Article about Criswell by Rick de Yampert, Dec 28, 1996, News-Journal Web Edition.

Great Criswell Links!

• Criswell Predicts Animation by John Whalen
• Mr. C's Criswell Predicts Page
• Criswell Predicts LP Info
• Bile's Criswell Predicts Site!--Awesome site that includes book excerpts, linked above.
• Criswell Lynx on the Criswell Predicts site.
• Criswell's Divine nature at the Ed Wood = God site
• Criswell: A Propheceer
• Page 9 From Outer Space

Return to SMA Productions
Return to Jake's Home Page

Criswell Quotations Directory

• "Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives." (96 K)
• "Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friends...future events such as these...will affect you, in the future." (170 K) (From the Plan 9 Sounds page.)
• "We once laughed at the horseless carriage...the aeroplane...the telephone...the electric light, vitamins, radio and even television! And now some of us laugh at outer space..." (160 K) (From the Plan 9 Sounds page.)
• "Confused by his great loss, the old man left that home...never to return again!" (tires squeal, man screams) (118 K) (From the Plan 9 Sounds page.)
• "..His DEAD WIFE was watching." (37 K) (From the Plan 9 Sounds page.)
• "Can you prove that it didn't happen?" (26 K) (From the Plan 9 Sounds page.)
• "Perhaps on your way home, someone will pass you in the dark, and you will never know it, for they will be from outer space!" (101 K) (From the Plan 9 Sounds page.)

• "I predict public executions will be shown on television, sponsored by your local gas company!" (63 K)
• "...And I predict that our local American doctors will go on strike, and be replaced by African witch doctors!" (80 K)
• "I predict there will be no welfare in the future. And I predict the death penalty for all free loaders." (63 K)
  (From the Criswell Predicts Rant #15 at the 50 Greatest Conspiracies of All Time site)

Coming Soon--the Sound byte-Hyperlinked Orgy of the Dead script!

• "I am Criswell!" (19 K)
• Opening Monologue: "I am Criswell! For years, I have told the almost unbelievable...related the unreal, and shown it to be MORE...than a fact. Now I tell a tale of the threshold, people, so astounding that some of you may faint. This is a story of those in the Twilight Time. Once human, now monsters...in a void between the living and the dead. Monsters to be pitied...Monsters to be despised... A NIGHT with the Ghouls...The Ghouls reborn, from the innermost depths... of the world." (614 K)
• "It is said on clear nights, beneath the cold light of the moon, howl the dog and the wolf, and creeping things crawl out of the slime. It is then the ghouls feast in all their radiance!" (198 K)
• "It is on nights like this, most people prefer to steer clear of, uh, burial grounds!" (95 K)
• "It is on nights like this, that the creatures are said to appear, and to WALK." (73 K)
• "The day is gone, the night is upon us...And the moon, which controls all of the underworld, once again shines...in radiant contentment." (131 K)
• "Come forth, come forth, O Princess of Darkness." (49 K)
• "Time seems to stand still. Not so the ghouls, when a night of pleasure is at hand!" (77 K)
• "If I am not pleased by tonight's entertainment, I shall banish their souls to everlasting damnation!" (83 K)
• "Ahh, the curiousity of youth! On the road to ruin! May it ever be so adventurous..." (75 K)
  
  

• "I would see for approval, the one who in life worshipped gold above all else." (74 K)
• "Throw Gold at her. (19 K)
  More gold! (15 K)
  More gold! (18 K)
  More gold!!! Ahahahahahaha! Ahahahahahahaha! hahaha!" (140 K)
• "Bring 'em in!" (11 K)
• "...A situation easily remedied!" (27 K)
• "A pussycat is born to be whipped." (35 K)
• "It will please me very much to see the slave girl with her tortures!" (60 K)
• "Torture! Torture! It pleasures me!!" (33 K)
• "HOLD!" (12 K)
• "Her dance has pleased me." (20 K)
• "She pleases me. Permit her to live in the World of the Snakes." (51 K)
• "(cue card flipping sound) Now I will talk...to The Wolf Man, and The Mummy." (58 K)
• "It would seem that The Wolf Man would have you for his own!" (Plus Shirley's "screams") (220 K)
• "No one wishes to see a man dance."
• "I repulse you?"
• "It seems you have chosen your own fate. Live with it--I should say die with it!"
• "I am the Sole Ruler of the Dark World!" (32 K)
• "Your own pleasure comes only after mine!"
• "Then see that it does not happen again, in the penalty of Everlasting Despair." (50 K)
• "Then cancel my order..."
• "Hahh, there is always time...All in good time...there is always time. You shall have your pleasure. THAT...I decree"
• "I will watch! Your desires may be my pleasure also..." (57 K)
• "Who can say that we do not exist-can you?" (48 K)
• "But now, we return to our graves and you may join us soon!" (68 K), [Alternate version] (64 K) (Makes a great system shutdown sound!)

• From Ed Wood: "I am Criswell. I know all." (Jeffrey Jones Playing Criswell) (48 K)

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